Sung to the tune of “Old '97”
“Cretan-ville”
His eyes were fixed on the hapless foe before him
His arms were flexed stressed steel
He was given the task of ending their reign, he'd better not let this one pass.
Well he happened on the truth at the age of seven
he said “Lord, you're in the lead”
But lil' did he know he'd go afore the cretans, their heads he would have to splay.
Well it's a mighty tough row, for one young lad to lay down
on ground s'like dolimite
It was on this ground that he made his last stand
Watch them cretan heads roll around.
Well the heads they were a rollin' like marbles on a slick floor
Their queen let out a scream
Lil' Tommy Tomkins lay there before her
Her talons had ripped all his seams.
Now there's a lesson in this for you bright and hapless upstarts,
Afore you go into Cretan-ville.
There they worship trees and their queen is a lizard,
They'll leave you like Tommy there dead.
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